Don’t overload yourself. Good thinking.

Have enough energy in reserve to stand on your own two feet;
your brother as well.
Keep moving in the direction of pacing yourself and not overdoing things.

I had my Spanish exam last night. The Teacher said I did very well. There is an advances class starting next Monday, but I’m not going there as I fear I’m burning out.

I’m planning on going to more Quizzes in order to Socialise more. I had a great time in the two Quizzes I attended last week and hope for more of the same. Also I need to put more focus on the OA meetings I’m organising. Attending another Class could be a distraction.

I took the two hounds for a walk to the park and joined a neighbour with his dog along the way. Had a most enjoyable time chatting about all manner of things and hearing his views on different matters.

It makes me realise how much I have isolated myself in caring for Carl.

The primary concern has been the legal matters and the implications arising from that. The legal matters have taken a down turn which means more work for me in looking for evidence that will support Carl.

However, it is time now as we have protected him as best we can.

It is time for me to live my life in a healthy way. I have more than made my contribution and I need to return to my own needs and my own future, still with one eye on Carl, but in a much more balanced way.

I had schizophrenia when I was younger. Hearing negative voices in my head. Also had flashbacks of moments in my Childhood, many of whom made me feel pitiful.

I have booked an Aged Care Assessment for Carl. It takes weeks of waiting to have an assessment by the ACAS people. They represent the ‘key’ to Carl’s immediate future. The appointment is next Monday. They have the ability to make recommendations resulting in immediate help for Carl. He needs this week to see for himself if he can cope or not on his own.

Usually, my turn-around from feeling worn out with Carl’s needs is about 24 hours.

This time it has been 48 – 72 hours.

That says it all.

I can’t meet his needs for care.

I am absolutely exhausted.

The final straw was when the doctor at the hospital on Friday rang me to discuss a change in Carl’s medication; after I had made about 8-9 phone calls during the afternoon to arrange care, advise Carl’s lawyer, speak to the hospital and so on. Carl had refused all offers of help in spite of my discussions with him at length to the effect that he cannot live at home alone.

He is deteriorating each day. His increasing weight alone is evidence of that.

The doctor at the hospital said to me on the phone:

‘Carl told me that he is ready and dressed and keen to go home now.

He said his friend will come and pick him up!’

Then, like a bolt from the blue, my Mum had a Car Accident and suddenly developed Parkinson’s. My World was turned upside down, my Brother became withdrawn and Gran thought the worst. After Mum died 2 Years ago my Depression became serious, as I rarely wanted to get out of the Bed. At that stage I rang Samaritains and had contacted my GP who perscribed Non-Drowsy Anti-Depressants; to facilitate my Driving.

The Insanity with Food continued afterwards. Then, 9 Months ago, I was recommended to attend OA Meetings. At first I thought it was simply a food matter, but when I started applying the principles things suddenly turned for the better. Now my Brother does errands for Gran; unthinkable even a few Months ago; and I’m getting on with my life.

There was a ‘Lifeline Sampler’ story alerting the dangers of being ‘Supermom’; like Angelina; and look after yourself from time to time. I can vouch for that.

Angelina needs help, we all do.